Thursday, May 24, 2012

Cheryl Cole, Nicki Minaj, Lana Del Rey Exhibit POP Star Expertise in Latest Music Videos

International POP sensations Nicki Minaj & Cheryl Cole recently released music videos for their hit summer smashes Starships & Call My Name, respectively. Rightfully praised as "perfect" & "amazing," Nicki & Cheryl set the bar incredibly high for fellow POP musicians. Here are some of the ways that other artists can aim to reach the level of brilliance reached by Nicki & Cheryl (if at all remotely possible).
1. Accentuate your breasts either by exhibiting the force of gravity upon them while dancing/writhing/jumping about, or by touching them (generally speaking, be sure to touch yourself. It encourages others to do so).
2. Feature close-ups of at least one (but preferably two) butt-cheeks.
3. DANCE LIKE ITS YOUR LAST DAY WITH BUTT IMPLANTS. Not all POP stars can dance like Nicki. Gregory is a certified sand-writher (he's an orange whip - it's kind of like a brown belt in Tae Kwan Do), and even he struggles with the perfect sand up your butt to sunshine on your D cup ratio. Clearly, Nicki is Class A certified in the masterful art of SAND WRITHERACY. We hear that for her next video, she plans on a potato sack trot, but with a half potato sack (It's sessier.)
EXTRA CREDIT. Ala-Lana, force your hot hipster boyfriend to choke you midswim while sporting a Dolce & Gabbana swimsuit. Bulimia is glam, but why ruin your manicure?
Watch Nicki & Cheryl exhibit their POP star expertise in their latest music videos below.  Ooo, we're getting a whiff of something strong... something called SUMMER SMASH.  Please, did you even doubt it for a second?


Gregory & Minna

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